Courage
by Kronos
Summary: Irvine tries to deal with a tragic loss...


Changes  Yes, it's yet another Irvine fic from me! I know I do a lot of them, but I promise if I really feel I can do a good job showing his feelings, then I might give the other characters a try. I'm trying to capture his thoughts in a very serious and sad situation. 

Disclaimer - Square own all the characters and locations - I can only claim credit for the situation! 

* * *

* * *

The wind howled and moaned as it gusted through the desolate Trabia Garden graveyard. There was a storm on the horizon. Bolts of lightning split the distant sky and the occasional rumble of thunder broke up the unnerving silence. There was no rain yet, but that would probably come soon, judging by the dark, menacing looking clouds that had filled the sky overhead. 

A single figure carefully picked his way through the many headstones. His long brown coat flapped in the wind and billowed out behind him. It saddened him to see the poor condition of some of the graves. So many names had been carved into stone. He walked slowly towards his destination, trying to build up the courage he needed. It had been several months since he had been here, and he knew he needed to be strong. 

Irvine stopped at the grave he was looking for. It had been well maintained, not like some of the others he had seen. In fact this whole section of the graveyard seemed to have been well looked after. Trabia Garden might be no more, but the few people that still lived there had kept their promise. Their promise to him, and their promise to her. Everyone agreed she would have wanted to be with her old friends. 

_She would have liked that. This was her home_

He knelt by the grave and studied the small headstone. Seeing her name carved into it seemed so permanent, so final. Of course it was just that he realized. You couldn't escape death. He wondered if it really was an end, or a beginning. Perhaps both 

_I hope she's happy, wherever she is. I wonder if she can see me now?_

Irvine noticed the bouquet of fresh flowers lying by the headstone. That brought a smile to his face. It must have been Quistis; those two had always been close. All his friends had come with him to pay their respects. He had come last, and alone. Some things you just couldn't share. Thankfully, they understood that. 

"It's been almost six months now, and I've come back like I promised. I know I should have come sooner, but I just couldn't. I was too weak. Too scared of what I might feel." 

_Don't lose control. Talk to her. Say what you came to say_

He took several deep breaths. His voice was strained and cracking. He reached out a shaking hand and traced the letters engraved into the granite. Cold stone. 

"They're all here too. Squall, Rinoa, Quistis and Zell. When I told them I was ready to come back, they all wouldn't let me leave without them. Every since… it happened, I feel closer to them. It's like I have a family again. I wish you could be here to share that with me." 

_I'm not alone anymore… but something will always be missing now_

He forced a laugh. "Can you believe I even got Squall to get involved with the Garden Festival this year? I think you'll be proud of me for pulling that off. I'm going to make sure it'll never be forgotten. Just like you." 

_I'll never forget you._

Irvine could feel his eyes burning. His hands were shaking. 

_Be strong. She'd want to you to be strong. She wouldn't like to see you like this_

With a huge effort, he slowly regained control. He no longer felt the cold wind, or heard the thunder overhead. He focused all his energy into the grave in front of him. 

"Everyone misses you so much. Quistis is still an Instructor at Balamb Garden. She told me yesterday that she's got some great students on the way. Almost as much trouble as you were to handle. She said she could see you in a few of them. Always raring to go off on the next adventure." 

"Zell's become a kind of hero at Garden. All the new ones seem to look up to him, can't imagine why." He smiled. "Squall finally gave in and made him a squad leader. He's doing okay. Can you believe that we're real close friends now? Never thought I'd say that, but we aren't so different. He made you a memorial in the Quad, and I see him there often. It's beautiful work. I told him you would have loved it." 

"Squall and Rinoa announced their engagement last week. Took them long enough didn't it? We all saw that coming a mile off, though Squall expected us all to be shocked for some odd reason. He must think we're blind. He's commander of the Garden now. He wasn't too happy about accepting that position full time, but we all pushed him into it. I think Rinoa's changed him a little, but he can still be a pain in the ass when it comes to that kind of thing. Guess it's just in his blood to be stubborn. Rinoa's been great to me. She's helping out as much as she can on the Festival, I'm amazed how much she does in a day! She'll expend the whole Garden budget soon. Squall will hit the roof, but it's going to be a huge event. We're doing it all for you." 

_You won't be there, but it's all for you. I know you would have loved it._

Irvine took of his hat. His long brown hair was blown about by the wind. He was silent a moment, choking back a sob. It wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair. 

"As for me? I'm staying at Balamb Garden with the others. It's my home now. My friends are there, and when I'm there I feel closer to you in some strange way. Squall made me a squad leader - I bet you never thought that would happen! Neither did I, but I'm determined to show them what I can do. For me, and for you." 

_All I want is to make you proud of me._

Tears rolled down his face and dissolved into the soft earth. He reached out and placed his hat on the grave, fixing it so the wind wouldn't steal it. 

"I'll leave this here so you know that I'll never forget you. I'll always come back." 

He stood up and for several minutes just stood there silently, his eyes closed and his hands clasped in front of him. Joyful memories flowed through his mind. He saw her smiling face; he saw her beautiful eyes. He heard her wonderful voice in his ears. Slowly the tears dried up. His hands stopped trembling. 

_I'll always have the memories. That's all I can ever have now._

A ray of sunshine burst through the black clouds. Then another, and another. The sun slowly forced its way through, fighting to illuminate the world once more. The storm was passing. It was moving on. 

Irvine opened his eyes and raised his head. The warm light felt wonderful on his face. He saw movement out of the corner of his eye and turned his head. 

_They're…they're all here for me_

A short distance away they were there. Zell bursting with energy as usual. Quistis, looking her usual calm and collected self. Rinoa and Squall, hand in hand. They were all watching him. They had come for him. For some strange reason, that simple gesture filled him with happiness. When he spoke this time, his voice was steady and clear. 

"Goodbye for now Selphie. We'll meet again one day. I'll always look for you." 

_Until next time we meet Selphie. Look out for me._

He turned away and walked towards his friends, his hat lying next to the flowers on her grave. 


End file.
